It's been a violent week in America and across the world. It's sometimes hard to know how to lead your life, your family, your career through wild uncertainties like these - especially if you're deconstructing your faith, your political sensibilities and other structures from your life's first half.
I wish I had a fast answer to ease the shakes, but I don't. I am feeling my way through it too. But here are a few ideas to help as we navigate this growing storm.
- You are a leader - whether you see yourself that way or not. The best leaders, sit with their fear, pain and rage they feel, then they get up and deal with it, and lead others through it too. While it feels easier to numb out with booze, or shopping or rage posting on Facebook, leaders can't do that due to a persistent sense that we can DO BETTER. Maybe it's time to accept the call and figure out how to lead in this "new" environment. It's an excellent way to stop feeling helpless about the condition of the world. To feel your own pain, and find a way to help others through theirs. Mr Rogers said, in crisis, look for the helpers because they're always there, helping. You can be one.
- There are many different ways to lead. Activists like Greta Thunburg do it one way, writers like Viktor Frankl do it another. There are resisters like Anne Frank and helpers like guys who show up with chainsaws after a storm. There are letter writers, organizers, faith leaders and hot chocolate makers. As writer and activist Glennon Doyle said recently, the river of love and justice is moving and there are already lots of boats on it addressing different hazards. "Find your boat," she said. "Then get in it and take orders," which means you don't have to start from scratch or be in charge, nor should you. What is the thing that makes you compassionately angry? Whose boat is that? Board it and help out.
- Recognize that empires fall - usually violently - and people are forced to adapt. Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome....This is why I follow a 1st century Rabbi who was no fan of any empire, even his own faith tradition. He said, build your house on the rock and when the wind and rains come, it will stand. Coming from a guy people still talk about today - who was murdered by political and religious forces 2000 years ago - that advice holds water. Nobody talks about Roman leaders like Pontius Pilate anymore, except in reference to Jesus. He remains relevant in ways they aren't, because he is the rock and Rome is not. Take all the time you need with that idea. Even if you don't believe Jesus is who he says he is, the sermon on the mount is a radical template for mercy, humility, non-violence and love.
- Stay nimble. Are you worried about your job, your kids, your safety as a human? Go ahead, run the bad scenarios. Run them all the way out. But set a timer, and don't dwell on "what if," because that question has no answer. Instead ask: "If X does happen, how will I respond?" Write it down, because you might see an idea you've never thought of. Make sure to spend equal time considering the best case scenarios too. When timer dings, go for a walk and consider the birds.
- The peacemaking Jesus commends in the Sermon on the Mount is not about avoiding turbulence. It's about entering into it and creating peace by your presence. That's dangerous work, as Jesus well knew. I'm not a great peacemaker because in the face of anger or strife I get disregulated quickly. I'm trying, but I won't even get close if I don't spend time with The Prince of Peace so he can show me how to do it, which he does over and over in the gospels. Some of my favorite peacemakers Archbishop Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama, spent hours in prayer and meditation before each day began.
- Turn off the news and lean into joy. You are not obligated to watch it 24/7, because they say it's irresponsible not to. Turn it off and say yes to real people and places where joy is happening. Bonus points for doing it with people unlike yourself. Expand your networks of local friends and neighbors. Start a Saturday morning coffee clatch in your driveway. Talk. Hug people. Pet dogs. Plant a garden Be generous and kind. Be unlike him who caused the injury, as Marcus Aurelius said.
Or just be like Wally, chillin in the bushes.
What I know for sure is this: I can't change anybody else and believe me I've tried. The best I can do is be the change I want to see in the world, as Gandhi said. While that has become a cliche, it's cliche for good reason.
I can't change you or the world, but I can change me and I can look to people I admire for an example of how. Here's is a superpower that most of us were never taught. You can choose how to be every day, rather just than getting swept along by how everyone else is being.
Thanks for reading.
ps. I'll be working with a few women this fall in something I call Midlife Reinvention Lab. Just because the world is nuts doesn't give us permission to throw our hands up and quit. In fact, intention and effort might be more important now. You can hop on the waitlist here, and I'll let you know when it opens.
Responses