I was feeling pretty cranky on Friday, and I mentioned it to a friend who is a therapist and a fellow IFS practioner.
In Internal Family Systems we talk a lot about "Self Energy" which is the belief that all humans are imbued with a calm, clear, compassionate center — a wise knowing that, like the sun, cannot be extinguished.
The sun can however be obscured by clouds, and things felt pretty dark and stormy. The question I asked my friend was, what good is it to focus on self-energy when I'm warm, safe and dry and my fellow citizens are getting zip tied and beaten by government agents in the street? It seems like I'm asking the wrong question.
Her answer was a total mic drop.
"Have you read Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl," she asked.
Of course I have, and she didn't have to say anything else because that is the exact right answer.
Self energy and emotional home.
In case you're unfamiliar, Viktor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist who survived internment at Auschwitz. It's said he wrote what is arguably one of the most important books of the 20th century in nine days. Frankl is famous for saying, in between stimulus and response lies man's one true freedom, his ability to choose his response.
I know it's hard to remember that when when we're deep in anger, chaos or despair, but Frankl did it in a Nazi death camp. So it's tough to argue — even though people still do.
As ever, the question is how
I teach a framework that invites people to consider what energy they bring to their lives - work, free time, relationships, etc. It's usually a mix, but what dominates?
Is it a dying energy? Full of rage and despair? No judgement, there are good reasons to feel that way, but over time we can get stuck in that gear, and it becomes our emotional home. If your emotional home looks and feels like a dying house plant, your relationships, career and goals may be in the same condition.
However, if you can see it and get curious about it, then you can say, this is how I've been showing up, is it how I WANT to show up?
The answer may be yes or no, but at least it's now a conscious choice.
You may say, I want to be compassionate and calm, and allow that to spill out of me onto others, even in sketchy situations. That's how you become a healthy, growing plant, rather than a withering one. Perhaps you even put out fruit that hungry people can come pick.
That's the choice Frankl is talking about. Is it easy? Of course not.
4 strategies for healthy plant energy.
It's a full time job keeping my emotional home bright and my behavior consistent with my values. Here's what's helping.
- Morning Pages. My mind is a mess every morning. It always has been. I used to think there was nothing I could do about that. Wrong. I recently leaned into Julia Cameron's Artist's Way process, and first thing in the morning, I handwrite three pages of whatever in a notebook nobody will ever read. It's a way to honor my busy brain, and dump the nonsense. Occasionally a gem or two will surface, so that's nice, but the point is, to store the crazy safely on the page and not in my head. I haven't missed a day since December.
- A personal development shot in the arm. Every year about this time Tony Robbins does his free three-day coaching event with folks from all over the world. Even if you aren't big on personal development, these events are super clarifying. Plus, he has optics and connections in the world few of us have. I recall him warning us two years ago that "winter is coming" and business owners should prepare. His conferences are a great way to refocus yourself for 2026.
- New Music. I am on the hunt for new music and recently found these guys — Renaissance Orchestra. They sound like joy to me, and since joy is a flourishing plant choice, I get them in my ears. It's amazing how quickly high energy, creative, masterful players like this can boost your energy. If you have a band that does this for you, hit reply and introduce me.
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4. Wise Leaders. Non-violent resistance and moral leadership is nothing new. Dr. King famously said the moral arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice. As such, there are many people like him we can look to.
The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu are two beautiful examples. The Book of Joy chonicles a weeklong meeting and conversation between the two men. It is marvelous. Reading about the lives of people like this gives me hope that I can stay obedient to my values, during the long moral arc.
Rabble Rouser for Peace is the Biography of Archbishop Tutu and is definitely worth the read.
On a slightly unrelated but adjacent note
Many of you who read this letter every week have started hitting reply and telling me interesting things about yourselves. I think that is so cool. I read every one of them and usually reply. It feels like the early days of blogging where there was more interaction between writers and readers. Maybe that's making a comeback. I am here for it.
Also, we are finalizing the details on our very first Firelight Adventure in Taos, New Mexico April 10-13. If you want to be first to hear when it opens or just want more information, be sure to hop on the interest list.
Stay thirsty my friends.
xoErin
ps. I know including the worlds most interesting man is a random choice for the signature bar, but it feels oddly appropriate today.
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