What Kind of Tired Are You?

After a month on the road, Sam and I landed at my parents house in Southern Arizona, where on our first afternoon I took a two-hour nap. 

I mean a pants off, under covers, wake-up-not-knowing-where-you-are kind of nap. Five stars. Highly recommend. 

I'm not a napper though, and I didn't think I was tired. Evidently, I was wrong. I feel like taking another one right now, except Sam wants me to play golf. 

Trees sleep in winter. 

A number of people have begun pushing back on the demanding busy-ness of our culture. Rest got a bad rap for a long time, being conflated with laziness, but the pendulum is swinging. There's nothing wrong with hard work of course, but the older I get the more I crave the rhythm of the seasons.  

Look at the trees right now, the bears, the flowers, most of them are preparing to rest. We're the same, but we forget that because we can.  Here's a pic a friend just sent me as an example. We were out together enjoying a beautiful Colorado fall day, just goofing around, but I was busy on my phone, handling some work crisis. Missing things. Hustling. 

There's a season for that of course, but all the time is dehumanizing. Slowing down requires trust I didn't always have. 

So I asked my clients this morning. 

What kind of tired are you? Physically tired, or soul tired. Mentally?  Emotionally? Your answers will point to the right remedy, which might be a nap, some magnesium bisglycinate before bed, a long walk with a friend or help at work. 

For me, I think it's soul tired. My nervous system is tired from playing whack-a-mole with my life for the past few months/years/decades.

Like everyone, uncertainty puts my nervous system into fight or flight. That raciness revs my brain into problem-solving overdrive, helping me identify, invent and whack moles faster. Perched like a hawk watching all the holes at once, poised and ready. 

I can do it. You probably can too. But for how long? 

The larger problem.

For me, the real problem is trust. By now, I should trust the trans-rational, eternal creator of all things seen and unseen to lead me through whatever comes up. I've seen him do it and yet...there's a part of me that says, "Yah but He might not this time, or maybe He will, but just not for you. So you'd better step in just in case."

Then it's all on me to whack, whack, whack. If I set down that cushy brown mallet for a second to see what might happen, will everything collapse? Probably not, but I sure act like it will. 

This behavior isn't about being thorough, it's about being stubborn, says the Prophet Isaiah, and looking everwhere but to God for the help he says he's happy to give. Instead, I get on my fast horse and ride off to Egypt looking for help. 

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." Isaiah 30:15

This is surrender.

This is the ego death people talk about at midlife, and we have a choice with it. Do we want to whack real and imaginary moles until our arms fall off, or do we want to set down the mallet and wait -  trusting God to decide which moles are real and actually need whacking? Trusting that though we may well be walking the valley of the shadow, his rod and staff still guides us to water and pasture.

My fight or flight response is certain we can do it better than God or at least more reliably. But that's the ego talking, and it's panicked by a possible layoff. 

Now, certainly I have trusted God many times and experienced some rough outcomes. So the parts that want to protect me aren't exactly wrong, but they forget two things:

1. In time, many of those rough outcomes were redeemed in interesting ways that I wouldn't trade now.
   
   
2. God never said I'd get everything I want, which is what I'm attempting to create by whacking moles. Is God only faithful and trustworthy when my life is smooth and mole-free? Maybe ask Job.
   
   

Consider also, what surprising, trust-building experiences I didn't have because I wouldn't release my grip and let God whack some moles for me. 

Am I patient enough to let God handle it differently than I would?

Darling, if it's soul rest you need, can you sit with me and wait? Can you rest in the unknowing? Perhaps the strength you need is found in quietness and trust in me - like I say it is. 

So, what kind of rest do you need?

• The get-help-with-hot-flashes kind?
• The wait and trust God kind?
• The take a nap with your door locked kind?
• The destimulating staring at the clouds kind?
• The long hug and some tea with a friend kind?

To do this of course, you'll have to be a salmon swimming up stream. You have to choose stillness out of a million trillion options. It's not even Halloween and Christmas ads are on tv, inviting us to get up, run out and shop.

But what if, once or twice this week, you sat with a cup of tea and a candle inviting autumn and stillness inside? Just to see what would happen. 

Have a great week.