I read an article in the Atlantic a few months ago about loneliness in America. It read that 70% of people enjoy birthday parties, but only 28% plan to host one this year.
That's more than a math problem.
Humans are highly social mammals, but American culture has cornered itself into a level of fragmentation and hyper-independence that our nervous systems do not recognize. Humans become anxious and depressed when they are chronically isolated. Inflammation increases, empathy decreases, addiction becomes more likely.
This is not news.
I started studying the autonomic nervous system in 2019 because so many of my clients were so disregulated, all the time. I was too, but it wasn't until a year or two ago, I realized the remedy was not to #girlboss harder or visualize more or get up at 4am and schedule my calendar in 15 minute increments.
The remedy is birthday parties.
When we were in Wyoming
I developed a strong sense that I was coaching people wrong.
We were making big-girl crush-it goals — nothing wrong with that — but we were doing it alone and dysregulated. When things went south, we just worked harder, assuming we were the problem.
What we should have done was gather around the table more. Examine the systems working against us. Spend more afternoons with our pals doing nothing at the park.
What people weren't saying, but were quietly dying for, was a place just to be ok together. Not networking, not girlbossing, not competing. A place to let down and be, without feeling they were doing it wrong.
Also, they wanted things our nervous systems easily recognize, like unscheduled, pressure-free proximity, which allows relationships to grow naturally, like they do in tribes and multi-generational families. They want that support. Not having to work all the time. Social fabric. Safety nets.
All things that are disappearing by the minute in America.
So we created Friend Camp
It's not a retreat. It’s a circle of women around a fire, drinking something warm. Everybody talking gently to someone next to them while gazing into the flames.
We're mostly outside. Somewhere beautiful and novel where you can take off your shoes and walk in the grass, looking at mountains all around.
It is a subtly curated experience that uses novelty to help people wake up to their lives, while making new friends, and learning to replicate the experience at home.
All these behaviors are profoundly healing to a dysregulated nervous system. We've seen it. We've done it. We know it works.
The next FC is in the Rockies in August
This one in particular is a glamping, hiking, decompressing, awe-inspiring adventure in the Colorado high country. It's a place for open space, natural beauty and silly fun with a bunch of new girlfriends.
Save August 7-10 on your calendar. We will open registration in a week or so. You can hop on this interest list to find out when we do.
This is the location of Friend Camp #2. Check it. I lived across the road from this ranch for 5 years. I know the terrritory well.
The macro idea is this.
We've got to do something differently in this country, to repair the tears in our social fabric. I'm not the only one saying this, but I'm getting louder about it because a healthy, functioning democracy depends on healthy, funtioning citizens who still believe we belong to one another.
Our contribution to the effort is called Friend Camp. Rebuilding tribes, one birthday cake at a time.
Have a great week.
xoErin
ps. Check out this vid for a vibe check from Friend Camp #1 in Taos, New Mexico last month.
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